


i get to love you

by alineppenhallow



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Established Relationship, Hugs, Light Angst, M/M, Malec Secret Santa 2017, Past Character Death, Ruelle - I get to love you, Slow Dancing, Soft Kisses, Song Lyrics, Yuletide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2019-02-13 09:12:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12980844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alineppenhallow/pseuds/alineppenhallow
Summary: I get to love you, it’s the best thing that I’ll ever do.Magnus thinks back on past holidays now that Ragnor is gone, luckily Alec makes an unexpected visit to draw him out of his sadness...





	i get to love you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LifeinConfusion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LifeinConfusion/gifts).



> for @[cosplayingconfused](http://cosplayingconfused.tumblr.com/) , happy holidays!

He hadn’t been lying.

Not until after the fact. At the time it had been automatic,

_ “Do you have plans?”  _

_ “Yes.” _

because he did, or well he  _ had _ . Until recently that it is. 

Ragnor hadn’t celebrated Christmas, neither did Cat really and Magnus may have been a bit of a lapsed Muslim in recent centuries but he hadn’t fallen into the Christian faith either. Raphael still went to church like a good little Catholic boy - or well he stood outside of the church and Ragnor and Magnus always joined him with some very,  _ very _ , Irish coffee first thing in the morning. 

The point was that it was habit really, to gravitate towards each other during the end of the year and celebrate the winter solstice no matter where they were in the world or what was happening. Their own little tradition, a constant as the world kept spinning and changing around them.

But this year was different. This year the tradition wasn’t broken per say but it was slightly off balance like an old merry-go-round at a park, a tad rusted and listing just enough to be obvious without causing too much of a ruckus but enough to irk people. Because this year there was a gaping hole in their family, like a crack in a window letting the chill of winter inside, the numbing grief had slipped in stealing the warmth that rose within them every time they remembered. 

Ragnor was gone. 

There’d be no more of his stuffy dear friend sulking into his fourth dram of whiskey as he lost Monopoly for the umptenth time in a row while Raphael smugly counted his paper money. There’s be no off key but rich singing of auld lang syne as the bells tolled in a new year. No Ragnor correcting him as he embellished another story.  

Magnus listlessly swirled his whiskey, the dark amber liquid catching the warm morning light that glinted off of the New York skyline. The cold nipped at his skin, his silk dressing gown and night clothes hardly suitable for the frosty holiday morning but Magnus didn’t much care. He stared out at the city, imagining the family’s and friends tucked away in their homes. 

Students with nothing more than a hand me down tree and tv dinner’s curled up in grandma’s pj’s lovingly sent from the suburbs of Florida. The nuclear families with their big fireplace cackling with a newly lit fire. The family who had immigrated to the states decades past, crammed into a small townhouse with four new generations and far too much noise and love. 

He thought about the volunteers at shelters offering a piece of kindness and warm meal for those with nothing. The regulars at the bars, a drink on the house in their hand as they watched a rerun of the big game with the bartender. 

Magnus thought about Cat wearing some silly tinsel crown gifted to her by Madzie in an ER down below and Raphael saying prayers in the gardens of a church with Simon standing with him this year. 

And Magnus felt lonely. He hadn’t felt this alone in a very long time. 

He didn’t have to be, of course. He could very easily join Raphael and Simon with his spiked coffee or he could call Alec over for a visit or even visit him, he did have gifts for Max and Izzy to hand out as an excuse. But he didn’t move. For some reason it felt right to remain on the cold balcony, a sort of penance or a moment of silence. Something to mark the moment. 

_ Mauldin fool, _ he could almost hear Ragnor’s voice say. It made him smile sadly because, as always, his dear friend was right. Magnus missed him terribly. 

The gritty sound of the record player startled Magnus out of his thoughts, shattering the silence. He hadn’t felt a breach to his wards but he wasn’t too worried, someone trying to kill him would hardly pause to provide a musical soundtrack… unless they were taking advice from cartoon villains.

**_One look at you; my whole life falls in line._ **

**_I prayed for you; before I called you mine._ **

Lyrics weaved their way out of the open doors and lured Magnus inside. His untouched glass of whiskey left on the balcony as he let curiosity draw him back into the loft.

**_I can’t believe it’s true, sometimes._ **

**_I can’t believe it’s true._ **

Standing over the record player fiddling with the dails was his partner, the one and only Alexander Lightwood. A pleasant, if somewhat unexpected, surprise. Alec was supposed to be spending the morning with his siblings and mother. He’d stayed the night at the institute so that Max, Jace and Izzy could all jump on his bed in the morning as per the normal Lightwood sibling tradition. Magnus had thought it adorable, even if he did miss the warmth of Alec’s body beside his. He even missed Alec’s tiny snores. So used to having Alec here in his space than not.

**_I get to love you, it’s the best thing that I’ll ever do._ **

_**I get to love you, it’s a promise I’m making to you**. _

“Alexander…”

Alec hummed in answer as he turned around, leaving the record player to twirl the vinyl in peace. He smiled wide and like normal, Magnus returned it. 

Alec looked a little windswept, his hair artfully ruffled and his nose and cheeks pinched pink by the cold. The scarf tucked up tight around his chin was new and a deep scarlet colour but the jacket and dark jeans were old and familiar.  

“Hey, sorry I didn’t mean to intrude - I was just going to drop off your gift but then I saw you were alone,” Alec’s cheeks flamed as he scratched the back of his neck, “I can go if you’d prefer.”

Magnus spotted the gold wrapped box sitting beside the record player. The sides were shiny with too much sellotape but the colour of the paper was the same as his cat eyes. Magnus smiled warmly at Alec. 

“I’d prefer you’d stay for as long as your family will spare you,” Magnus said truthfully. No point wallowing anymore, especially seen as Alec was there. There’d be time for that later when Cat finished her shift and Raphael finished his penance and the three of them could remember their departed friend with the contents of Ragnor’s drinks cabinet as they imagined him choking on his anger as they raided his private stocks. 

“Pretty much all day then,” Alec replied cheerfully and Magnus felt the twisted empty feeling behind his breastbone relax and melt away like the frost in the morning light. 

**_Whatever may come; your heart I will choose._ **

**_Forever I’m yours, forever I do._ **

“Well I suppose I’d best do my part to keep you out of trouble you’d no doubt find in your idle boredom,” Magnus teased as they naturally came together in the middle of the living room in a soft embrace, Alec’s cold nose catching against his as they shared a gentle kiss that lingered a little longer than their normal hello kisses. 

“You’re thinking of Jace, who thankfully is being held hostage by the Lewis family, Clary and Raphael,” Alec said with a crooked grin after he pulled back a little, not stepping out of Magnus’ light hold. 

“Did Simon manage to bully everybody over to his home?” 

“Everybody he could get his hands on...I kind of threw Luke into his path to save myself so that might come back to haunt me at the next council meeting,” Alec answered with a not so fake wince. 

Magnus laughed lightly. He realised that quite unconsciously they’d started to sway slowly to the song playing quietly in the background. 

“Quite possibly but excellent strategy for the head of the institute... I’m glad you’re here,” Magnus said warmly as he leaned his forehead against Alec’s, letting his hands rest against the cold leather of Alec’s back. 

“I’m glad to be here too,” Alec mumbled, eyes shut as a relaxed smile graced his lips. Magnus hummed along with the tune as they slowly twirled around a few loosely waltzed steps.

**_I get to love you, I get to love you_ **

 


End file.
